Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Defusing Hysterical Puffery, or Making Glenn Beck Cry

Glenn Beck (whom I try not to talk about for fear of receiving the wrath of his imbecilic followers - yes, they scare me more than the dittoheads) is planning an event of monumental proportions that (with any luck) will be a flaming ball of self-destruction. He's planning on making a speech from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial on the anniversary of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have A Dream" speech. He's told his followers not to bring signs, but that they should bring their children.

Hmm. I'm thinking. Perhaps we should have something that looks like a child stuck on a pole, so you can get the best of both worlds?

No, truly, here's what I would propose. Get as many people as you can to surround the folks who will no doubt barely fill the steps at the Washington Mall, and laugh your asses off the entire time. Non-stop. Eerily like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone or Outer Limits, but with the appropriate effect. Laugh at him. It's what he deserves. He really is a rodeo clown, who either doesn't read the history books he promotes, or he's a rabid anti-semite. Who can cry on cue, to prove that he "really, really cares about America." Just like all the other crocodiles.

I would also recommend carrying signs that have as little meaning attributable to them as possible. One of the early Rev. Phelps counter-protest signs read "I Have A Sign", which I think is just about the right level of total absurdity. Just so long as we're not calling him names or being mean to his followers. The best way to get them to show their true colors is to be as inane as possible.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Save The Gay Whales!!!

Wow. I think my brain just imploded slightly.

Sir Elton John sang at Rush Limbaugh's fourth wedding.

I'll say that again.

Sir Elton John (gay as all get-out) sang at Rush Limbaugh's fourth wedding.

He's so family values, Rush has gotten married and divorced three times before marrying the latest bit o' crumpet. Of course, he's been married before. And, like Richard Gere's movie partners, they keep gettin' younger 'n' younger with every wedding. And this time, he's being serenaded by an openly gay entertainer.

I don't know how to feel about this one. Is Rush truly that open-minded (or misinformed?) Does he just ignore the fact that his wedding singer is a gay man who is married to another gay man, which is something Rush is (publicly) opposed to? As for Sir Elton, does he not know about the guy who he's singing at? I was under the impression that Rush is a well-known a-list a-hole, even on the far distant shores of our former owners.

Sir Elton, when asked for comment, said something like "oh, leave me effing alone, can't you see I have another million bucks to shove up me Khyber*?" Or "thanks for the bangers**, 'omophobes!"

Ah well, the more things change, the more they stay the same. After all, Rock Hudson was well-known as a pouf in Hollywood in the fifties, but still managed to get work as a leading man all the way through the seventies. And I can't imagine that people didn't know that that other famous piano player, Liberace, wasn't gay. We've never minded that our entertainers were gay, so long as they stayed up there on stage or screen. Even better when they died well out of sight.

*Khyber = Khyber Pass = Ass

**bangers = bangers and mash = cash