Tuesday, August 23, 2011

...And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt

So, I sent a little money to the DNCC or the CREEP or something like that, for the promise of my name on the tablet of fame (or some webwall or other where they post the names of everyone who contributed more than three dollars to the latest Presidential Election Fiasco), and for a cool t-shirt with some sort of I Heart Politics slogan on it.

I got the t-shirt. It's white. Just a white T. Nothing indicating the affiliation of the wearer or the maker or the provider. In other words, neutral to the point of blandness. And it's scratchy. 100% Cotton with a secret ingredient: sheet rock.

These guys even had the balls to ask me (via an insert in the package, without which I'd have no idea why I was receiving a plain, white, scratchy T), that, now that I'd gotten my cool T-shirt, how about giving us some more money with NO strings or gifts attached?!?

Now, I don't contribute to politics to get "stuff" (though I'll take what I can get). It is unfortunate, however, that this event reinforced, yet again, the profound disdain I feel for the electoral system, politicians, and political functionaries of this once-great nation. Here's a simple request: "give us some money, we'll send you a t-shirt with a slogan on it, showing what a proud (or at least not totally upset) Obama supporter you are". And they can't do it. They can't make that simple a promise and follow it through to completion without screwing it up, and screwing it up in a way that says "HI, WE'RE A BIG BUNCH OF SCREW-UPS!"

Oh, yeah, and "GIVE US MORE MONEY!"

At this point, I'm more likely to support a Lolcat than give money to a political party ever again.

If you've noticed, I haven't been posting much lately, and it's due to the fact that, once again, I got tired of writing "Jesus we're a bunch of dumbasses," over and over again. It's depressing and edifies no one. So, to summarize the current crop of people running for President:

Bachmann: crazy religious zealot who believes that gay can be cured, and who's husband SOUNDS REALLY GAY. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Nice corn dog work. Possible alternate career there.

Cain: The Republican Angry Black Guy. Used to sell awful pizza. Now he has to give it away to get people to listen to him. Wouldn't hire a Muslim (well, probably not). Not electable, because Republicans don't really like black people. Oh, they SAY they do...

Gingrich: He's still in the race? What the fuck for? And why does his wife smile like that? WHY? Doesn't it hurt? Are her teeth positively charged and her lips negative? Perhaps she's similar to Voldemort - he has no nose, she has no lips? Is there a string, holding the corners of her mouth back? Since we know what Newt's sexual proclivities are, don't those massive teeth kinda hurt? Or maybe they're retractable? Or false? Gross...

Huntsman: believes in science, but otherwise no redeeming features that I'm aware of. Possibly because when a Republican says Global Warming is Real and Evolution is Real, everyone forgets to ask him how he feels about everything else.

Obama: First Black President. Must be nice to have a title like that. Or not, since the abuse he's received so far in his Presidency makes what Clinton went through seem kind of mild by comparison, and Clinton GOT a blowjob for his troubles. Passed the most watered-down health care bill anyone ever could have imagined. Closed Gitmo (DOH!). Ended combat operations in Iraq (DOH!). Ended Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Killed Bin Laden. Assisted in the overthrow of Gadhafi and Mubarak (though in the case of Mubarak, we mostly just watched - which was the right thing to do). While I am opposed to everyone else running, I'm not terribly for this guy (see the "T-Shirt incident").

Paul (the Elder): libertarian, has a few ideas I'm for (legalizing drugs, bringing our troops home from pretty much everywhere), and a few ideas that are really obviously awful (no EPA, no Dept of Ed, not much regulation of much of anything at all, because they'll all behave themselves, right?). The Right hates him for wanting to downsize the military, and the Left hates him for being ideologically wacky.

Perry: trying to out-crazy Bachmann while out-dumbing Bush. Proud of his record on executing the innocent. Proud of his ability to get more people hired because they moved to Texas and were willing take shitty jobs for shitty pay. The things this guy's proud of, other people would be ashamed of. Just wait, though, he'll go and do something really, really stupid, and then he'll be done.

Romney: "corporations are people, my friends"        oooooh boy. That's done.

And out on the fringes:

Palin: again, why is anyone listening to this sorority bobblehead figure? This English-mangler? Who cares?

So, from the defeated, demoralized Left, I sit here, sniping at the crazies, working for what I consider to be a better tomorrow (I'm learning to brew beer!), and hoping someone comes along who can tell people the truth about this great nation without getting themselves shot in the process.

Until then, I'm thinking of sending the postage paid envelope back, attached to the plain white T-shirt, wrapped around a cinder block.

No comments: